Saturday, March 28, 2009

doctor's appointment

I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. I got my usual tests done (blood work, weight, urine, ekg, ect). Of course she wasn't happy at all with where I am with my weight and my overall health - but honestly, it seems like no one ever is these days - so I am kind of used to this kind of reaction from people.

Then we started talking about my joints (my lovely osteo-arthritis and osteoporosis) and I told her that my therapist and dietitian have put me on exercise restriction, so my joints haven't been too bad. Then I started to talk to her about how over the past couple of months my muscles seem to pull & tear more easily and how they are always sore, and the circulation in my arms and legs are getting worse. I said "I know it's because of my eating disorder but I was just wondering if there was something I could do."

She told me that I need to start exercising and strengthening my muscles and joints. She said that since I am on exercise restriction, she is going to call and talk to my therapist and dietitian (so they are all on the same page) and see what they can work out for me. Which I KNOW will involve MORE food. I started to get really worried and told her, I CAN'T have my food increased - I am already having an incredibly hard enough time eating what is on my current meal plan! But she told me that I HAVE to because she is worried about my muscles, bones, and joints getting worse. Why did I have to open my big mouth??

So, after she is able to talk to my therapist and dietitian, she is going to set up some appointments for me with the physical therapist - who is going to help me with some stretching and exercise techniques that are going to help strengthen this body of mine that seems to be slowly falling apart...

Let me make this clear to everyone. I am pro-recovery and I DO want to get better, but a person can only take so much! It doesn't make sense to me to increase my calories per day if I am struggling as much as I am to eat what is on my current meal plan. Does that make sense to anyone?

But I will do it, I will try if that is what ends up happening. Because I do want to be healthy and I do want a life that is not controlled by this illness!


  1. I love how you captilize "I WILL"-- Jenn, I KNOW you can! Go JENN!

  2. Jennabee-
    You are so incredible! I know what it is like to have a body that is painful and falling apart. It makes the everyday chores of life a huge struggle and the desire to be normal can be overwhelming. I am so sorry that you have to go through all of this but can I just tell you that you have grown and become so much stronger then you give yourself credit for. I read your blog pretty regularly and I just think to myself, "what would I do if I were in her shoes?" I think you are so strong and so commited to recovering dispite all the setbacks and the ED thoughts fighting against you. I know you can do this and it seems to me that you have a lot of people who love you and are cheering you on. Don't be discouraged. There's nothing we can do about the past so all we can do is keep trying and do a little better everyday. Change takes time and commitement. Keep on trying and you'll get there before you know it. I love ya.