Tuesday, March 31, 2009

not in the mood to blog...

i am not really in the mood to blog about what went down in my sessions yesterday at CFC in detail so... I will give you the brief update.

w/ dietitian:

1- i lost weight...which sadly ended my 4 week in a row consistent weight gain...
2- my meal plan increased because of the weight loss (even though they haven't talked to the doctor yet
about my exercise so that's kind of not fair...)

3- I need to add more variety to my meal plan this week and stop choosing my "safe" foods for most of my meals and snacks. So we revised my meal plan to add more variety - not a lot, so it shouldn't be too overwhelming, we are taking baby steps.

w/ therapist:

4- I felt super discouraged because I was hoping to at least maintain my weight this first week out on my own.

5- it took pretty much the whole session for him to convince me that mistakes & slips are going to happen and it's OKAY. As long as I am honest with my treatment team i will be okay. (that's what he said, not me).

6- i cried a lot today at both sessions... i am feeling super overwhelmed with all the changes going on surrounding my moving out on my own (again) and I feel A LOT of pressure from myself and people around me to get it right this time. I feel like I have lost so much of my life to anorexia and I feel like I am behind everyone else my age... I just SO want to end the cycle of living own my own, relapsing, moving back in with parents, moving out again, relapsing, ect. But since it has been part of my life for so long, it makes it that much harder to really recover from (people who understand addictions can understand the mental and emotional struggle it is).

w/ doctor:

7- my blood tests came back and they are not great, but the only thing that really concerns her at the moment is my potassium level which is really low -- so I gotta eat some bananas!
8- i have to start wearing T.E.D.'s again for the circulation problems in my legs. They are super fabulous! (totally exaggerating they are more like embarrassing) compression stockings... I have both the knee high ones and the thigh high ones, and I am sure glad my insurance is paying for it cause they are not cheap! LOL.


  1. I am so sorry hunn! And more sorry that I am adding more stress to your life :(

  2. sorry this is gabi and this is my friend's computer at work..don't worry she isn't here right now

  3. You are NOT adding more stress to my life - what are you talking about?? I LOVE talking with you about stuff. And thank you for telling me it was you cause i was so confused after the first post! LOL!

  4. Jenn-- I agree witht the therapist--- you will slip an fall backwards, but you can pull yourself up again! I love you!

  5. Hey Jennabee-
    I saw some pics of Julie on your blog is she living in Salt Lake again? Do you guys hangout much?