Monday, May 11, 2009

food, fear, & me

I am feeling especially overwhelmed and nervous this week. Because there are a lot of social things/work things that are centered around meals this week. And we all know that I don't do well with those kinds of things : (

On Wednesday at work we have our Spring Social that is going to be during the lunch hour that is going to have a ton of food.

On Thursday at work we have a special guest speaker coming, and we are going to have pizza, cookies, soda, ect.

On Friday there is a Luau for my singles ward and there is going to be a dinner.

I want to be normal, I want to enjoy the company and the food, I want to not let it stop me from being social!!! I hate how food isolates me and prevents me from going out and having fun. I hate it, but at the same time - when I try to face my fears and do these things, it's like the fear paralyzes me and I emotionally retreat back into my e.d. mind set. I want to go and have fun and eat like a normal person - and not just eat my "safe foods".

I am going to talk to my treatment team about it today in my sessions, and hopefully they can help me figure some stuff out... And if any of you have any advice - please, PLEASE I could sure use it!


  1. pre make a plan for what you're going to eat. And eat only that, no more no less.... it's hard. But you can do it.

    p.s. We're not normal, we'll never be. But we don't always have to let the fear paralyze us... We have a higher power that can get us through these hellishly shitty times luv haha <3

  2. Yeah, try eating just a bit...not massive amounts...or eat a meal from your meal plan before the lunch...that way you don't have to eat their food. I don't know. I'm in the same boat as you. My mom is coming into town this week and wants to take me and Nate out for dinner :( Good can do it!

  3. I just don't want to be the:

    "girl with the eating disorder"
    "the girl who has weird eating habits"
    "the girl who only eats salad"
    "the girl who never eats..."

    I want to focus on the people NOT spend all my thoughts consumed and focused on the damn food! know?

  4. PRAY BEFORE YOU GO. It really is amazing how much the Lord helps us when we just ask. I love you. I know you can do this.

  5. First off, try not to worry about what others think, the thing is people are too busy thinking about themselves to think about you. Second, I love Patty's idea, and if that seems like too much for you, Gabriella's idea is always great, and nothing to be ashamed of if you feel it's not 'normal,' it's just being smart and recognizing what you are ready for now.

  6. I have a hard time eating in front of people its a fobia of mine. I know its not the same thing but it really does cause concern. So what I do is set myself a goal before each party of how much I'm going to eat. for example I tell myself that I am going to choose two items on the food table.then I decide how many bites I will take from those two items. If I know that cake and ice cream will be served I make a goal of taking one bite of cake and two bites of ice cream. That way I at least try something. Ands then go back to eating my carrot sticks. Then I have eaten something out of the "norm" and I still have my comfort food with me. This seems to have worked for me. Maybe you can try something like this.....

  7. Thanks everyone for ALL of your comments and suggestions. I really do appreciate them. I have a hard time asking for help, and I know I can't fight this fight alone.

    I need to face my fears head on and NOT run away from them, so I will do my best, take your advice, and let y'all know how it went.