Monday, July 6, 2009

determination is alive and kicking!

The verdict from the "team" about me doing ballet again was an "absolutely not! But we can reconsider it once you are healthy again and able to maintain that health." I think I knew deep down that was going to be the answer but... I don't know if I didn't want to accept it or maybe it was wishful thinking? It doesn't matter though because it's not going to happen for a while. But, thanks to those of you who gave me suggestions - my team is going to let me work on stretching and things like that (as long as I don't lose weight). So that makes me happy!!! It's not much, but I'll take it! Considering for the past while, they are always frowning over any physical activity I am involved in. But since I am finally starting to gain weight (consistently) they are starting to give me more privileges. It's really nice, I hope the privileges keep coming!!!

Last week sure had it's share of rollercoaster emotions! There were days when I felt okay and was like "You know, this recovery thing, I think I CAN do it!!!" But then there were days where I felt like I was emotionally going to flip out! And I know, this is all a part of recovery but "feeling my feelings" is still such a foreign and scary thing for me - so when I can't numb them out with my behaviors I struggle a ton with being able to deal with them rationally. But the good news to report is that I was able to get through the week with only a small amount of e.d. behaviors! But it was so hard! It was painful and terrifying to sit through the emotions, because they don't go away, they last and last and last... - I don't like it at all!

But I did it and I am really proud of myself!


  1. Good job Jennabee I'm proud of ya! Keep hanging in there. I love ya!

  2. Whoo hoo! Good work on making it through the week :) that's awesome :). Seriously! I really is hard and really IS awesome.

    I'm really glad that they're gonna let you do some stretching hunni and let you work towards Ballet as a goal. I know its not what you were hoping for but I am glad things went a better then they could've :).

    Keep smiling and trying to enjoy life as much as you can Jenn! xo

  3. I'm all for waiting on the ballet. But I don't like that it sounds like they discouraged freaking stretching. Do they want you to be completely sedentary? Immobile? That's not healthy either.

  4. Jenn! That is so awesome! I am so proud of you!!

  5. All you can do is take one step at a time. Stretching is a POSITIVE step forward. You are doing good things and moving in the right direction. Take it from someone who knows....Stretching can do great things for a sore body, take it slow and work up to your goals. I'M PROUD OF YOU GIRL! I love ya. Keep moving forward.