Friday, October 30, 2009

such a slow and frusterating recovery

It has been two weeks since I discharged from the hospital. I am getting better but the past two weeks have been horrible and frustrating! The first week was really bad! I could barely walk around without getting winded and have to lay back down. So I pretty much spent that first week on bed-rest. This second week has been a little better. I have been able to do more but I still get exhausted and tired from normal everyday activities like showering and washing my hair, walking up the stairs, cleaning up my room or doing laundry, ect. So that has been super frustrating because I feel like such a useless and lazy person. Also, with all the meds and anti-biotics I am on, I am super nauseous all the time. And I am still having a hard time swallowing (from the breathing tube) so I have been really really struggling with eating. I know I am not eating enough, but I am trying to eat something every couple of hours. I am eating things like soup, bananas, pudding, yogurt - things that are soft and easy to swallow. I also have my breathing exercises that I have to do every hour and it's so hard because my lungs are not doing well and I can't get much out of them - but they are slowly getting better.

My roommates have been so supportive and so great with all of this! I love them all so much for all the help and the love they have been showing me. I hope they know how much I appreciate them. Also, my mom - bless her heart - has really helped me a ton with things I need or can't do myself. I love my mama! And all of you who have called, texted, or visited me and gave me words of encouragement or just to talk. I love you all too!

Last week I had a follow-up appointment with my urologist. And things were looking good as far as the kidney infection and everything go. He just reminded me that my body has been through a lot and I need to take care of it and be patient. I will have another follow-up with him in December. He is really cool, I like him a lot.

This past Monday, I was finally able to see my therapist for the first time since the hospital. It was really good to see him and be able to process everything that happened. But he was very concerned about me and is very worried about where I am emotionally and physically. He asked me if I had seen my dietitian yet and I told him that I see her on Wednesday. But I wasn't able to drive down and see her because I was too sick - so that is not good and I know my treatment team is not going to be happy about that. The only treatment I have gotten in the past three weeks is one session with my therapist... which is not good considering I am crumbling in that area of my life.

Today, on the other hand, was not so lovely. I had an appointment with my regular doctor whom I have been avoiding all summer because if you remember, the last time I saw her she called the paramedics to take me to the e.r. - she has not been my favorite person lately. I was so nervous to see her - especially because I know I haven't been eating well and was worried that I had lost even more weight. She (like everyone else) was very concerned. When she walked into the room she said "Jenn! How are you feeling? We almost lost you a couple of weeks ago!" Geez, thanks doc. Anyways, she said that my weight did drop and that I need to be eating more even if I am feeling sick because I am in a danger zone with my weight and I need to stabilize it. I am trying!! Honest I am!!! We talked for a while, she lectured me for a while, took a lot of tests, and let me go home! No ambulance this time - and that seriously made my day!!


  1. Still having trouble swallowing from the breathing tube? That sounds abnormal. Have you followed up with your doctor about that?

    In my experience (I've had a few surgeries) I've just had incredible soreness and discomfort for a couple of days. To last a couple of weeks sounds really extreme and abnormal, so please ask about that.

    Please choose things that pack in the calories. And choose things that are nice and cold! Ice cream, shakes, smoothies??? I had jaw surgery 2 years ago and lived on shakes and no, it didn't make me fat. :) Jenn, you gotta do what you gotta do. You had this big huge scare. You have to quit fucking around and fooling yourself. NO RESTRICTING. If you have trouble swallowing, drink more calories. You have to do what you can.

    You're recovering extremely slowly, which I know is frustrating! But you have a little more control here than you're giving yourself credit for. You just have to DO IT.

  2. Oh my, it sounds like you have been through alot lately! I hope you continue to recover so you can get back to fighting ED. Sending healing thoughts your way :)

  3. It might be something other than the breathing tube, I don't know. I just know that I have had trouble swallowing things since the operation. When I was in the hospital they gave me swallow tests and it showed that I was having trouble but they weren't sure why. But it is getting better - just slowly.

    I KNOW I need to be eating more, I know, I KNOW! And you are completely right -I NEED to fight harder and not let all of this crap totally consume me like it is. I am just so scared and I am so tired but I need to keep going and keep fighting!!

    Thanks for being honest and blunt with me - I need that!! Sugar-coating doesn't help me. Love you girly :)