Wednesday, December 30, 2009

being job-less isn't so great anymore

When I was laid-off from my job last May - my family, friends, and my treatment team kept telling me how it was a blessing in disguise. Because at the time, I was in a really bad downward spiral with my ed (and had been sent to the e.r. twice in one week shortly before losing my job) and that since I wasn't working full-time temporarily, I would be able to get the intense treatment that they all thought was crucial at the time.

How did I feel about losing my job?? Honestly, at the time, I was relieved. I was barely functioning and my energy was so low at the time - I was exhausted. Don't get me wrong, I was pretty devastated to lose that job because it was one of the few jobs that I have had in my life that I have really really loved. I loved that job - even though it was stressful beyond belief and I worked myself way too hard, and I didn't know how to set boundaries, and I wanted to please everyone at work - I did love that job, and still to this day, I would run to them and beg them to hire me back!!!

But I have to admit that it was nice to not have to worry about work while I did the IOP program over the summer - It gave me more time to work on recovery. I also got a really great severance package from my job and then filed for unemployment after the severance ended - so most bills were still able to be paid (even if it was extremely tight). Then, after IOP, I was going to start looking for a new job but, a couple weeks after IOP concluded, I ended up in the ICU in really really bad shape and was in the hospital for a week. Then, I needed to recover from that and get strong enough to be able to not only work, but function and get through the day. Again, it was nice to be home and not have to worry about a job while I recovered from that.

Well, the past little while, it has not been so nice being unemployed. These are the reasons:
 

* I am struggling beyond belief to pay all of my bills.
(and that is why I am not getting the treatment I need at the moment)

*I am home all day and all night and have way too much free time.

*I feel like I am losing motivation at a rapid pace.

*I am watching the people around me getting up and going to school or work and really just watching as life is going by without me.

*I need a reason to get up in the mornings, I need something to keep me distracted and occupied.

*I can't go back to school until I have a good stable job.

 
So, for the past few weeks, I have really been trying to find a job... but thanks to this stupid economy that is in the gutter... this is a nearly impossible thing to achieve these days. Also, I don't want to get a job that will trigger my anorexia in any way because I am already struggling so much with it - that could be a deadly combination! Not to mention, I am really horrible at looking for jobs - it's something that I struggle with because I am not the most outgoing and happy person right now. But I am trying to stay positive and trying to keep the faith that I will find something. I just hope that it is soon!!!
 

4 comments:

  1. I feel for you. Looking for jobs is about my least favorite thing to do. I hope you find something good soon!

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  2. Hey an idea if you're interested is to find somewhere you enjoy to volunteer at. It gives you a reason to get up and go each day and you can meet staff and other volunteers who could connect you to a future job or become a good reference for you. I know a lot of folks here have been doing that since the economy stinks so it might be an option for you. Let me know if you need help finding something. :)

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  3. Here is what I think.... I think that you should do all of the following (advice coming from one friend to another)...

    1.) Keep your appt. with you religious leader on Sunday. You could make a list of the things you need help with (i.e. paying for weekly sessions with the therapist; bi-weekly appointments with the dietitian, and weekly appointments with the Process Group). I would also ask him about being able to do the LDS ED support group on Tuesday nights...
    Also- You could even ask him about getting some vouchers to go to the Bishops Store House so you can get some food, personal hygeine items (like shampoo, conditioning, etc.)

    If him helping you means that you have to go to regular church services- do it. Besides, it could be a good social setting to get out and meet new people on Sundays (at church).

    2.) You should allow me to bring my laptop over to your house tomorrow night; we can then proceed to surf the net for jobs and email your resume to places. I would also be happy to fax your resume to some places for you, if that would help.

    3.) Ask CFC if they can bill you appointments next week, instead of having to pay for them up front. I am sure they would be willing to just bill you at the end of the month; and if the bishop is willing to help, you would be able to just submit your bill from CFC over to him in one clean transaction.

    4.) Trust the process and most of all TRUST YOU. TRUST JENN. FORCE YOURELF TO STAYING COMMITED TO GETTING THROUGH THIS. I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT GIRL!!!

    5.) Dare to set boundaries, even though it may totally unnatural and totally uncomfortable. If someone is making you feel like less than the AMAZING PERSON THAT YOU ARE- tell them so. Tell them how you are feeling, and stick to it regardless of whether or not they approve of your feelings. No one needs to valadate your feelings... You deserve to feel bad, sad, angry, mad and what have you. Having feelings is part of human emotion and don't allow anyone to still that from you.

    6.) Learn to lean on people and ask for help when needed.

    7.) Dome some volunteer work- it looks GREAT on a resume.

    8.) Satrt working on finding a grant of funding sources for school so you can get back to persuing your long term BAD-ASS-FASHION aspirations. And if someone tells you that you are wrong for wanting to be a bad-ass seamstress, tell them to STUFF IT. BECAUSE IT'S YOUR LIFE AND YOUR DREAMS... And at the end of your life, you want to know you did your best to live your dreams, rather than watch them pass you by.

    JENN- I know you have it in you. I know that things are rough right now, but trust me, THINGS DO GET BETTER WHEN YOU COMMIT YOURSELF TO "THE GOOD LIFE."

    I BELIEVE IN YOU! A LOT of people do!

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  4. P.S. Here is a challenge to you, my friend... Everyday, Monday-Friday- find one job you can apply for. Whether that means you have to drop off an application somewhere, or fill out an application online and submit it... That boils down to applying for 5 jobs a week. And you know what girl... I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! I KNOW YOU CAN, otherwise, I wouldn't throw the challenge out to you.

    Pretend you are back at NLC- and your task for the month is to apply for one job a day, as part of your, "recovery." Turn job hunting into something fun... Because it can be fun if you look it in better lighting.

    KEEP MOVING FORWARD AND ROCK IT!

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