Tuesday, January 26, 2010

The "Cleanse"

I realize that I concerned some of you over the weekend when my facebook status indicated that "I really wanted to go on a cleanse." It was not my intention to worry anyone, nor was it my intention to go on a cleanse for ed reasons... not at first anyways. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am dealing with A LOT of stomach and digestive issues - and as I am trying to eat more food, those problems are just getting worse!!!!!! My body does not know what to do with this food and is not seeming to like it very much right now! I feel like my body is hating me and hating all this food that I am trying to feed it! So...out of frustration (and desperation), I was very tempted to give in and do a "cleanse" to try to feel better physically. I thought it would be a better option than simply not eating or taking laxatives - but after reading the comments that some of you posted on my fb status, and after I did a whole lot of thinking... I realized that in a way - it pretty much is the same thing as those other two options! And I also realize and accept that if I were to do a cleanse, I don't know how well my body would be able to handle it - considering everything my body has been through lately...
So not to worry - even though the urge is still there (I used to do cleanses all the time, but for ed reasons back then) I am going to do everything I can to not give in the the temptation that is trying to take over my mind! And I am sorry if I worried any of you, because honestly, that was not my intent. But I DO want to thank you for looking out for me and my best interests because it does mean a whole heck of a lot to me to know that I have great friends who love me and want me to recover and survive this bloody illness!!!

(I will be seeing my GI doctor again soon - so hopefully, we will be able to figure some more stuff out and what we can continue to do to try to repair some of the damage that I have done to my body).


  1. Glad to hear you're going to your GI doctor. I hope they find some more options for you and I hope you get feeling better. Definitely rooting you on and thinking of you every day. HUGS!!!

  2. Good to see you tonight :) I know the cleanse sounds really appealing, but unfortunately the uncomfortable feelings are inevitable (unless the GI doctor has a way to fix it - which would be awesome!). But by doing the cleanse you're just prolonging it. If you go through the hard stuff it WILL get easier and less painful eventually. Sometimes the only way out is through. Granted, I'm still trying to figure out how to get through myself, so maybe I shouldn't be one to hand out advice...but I know there's so much more to life than what an eating disorder can offer you. As you mentioned - you've tried to have a life and an eating disorder and it doesn't work. The two don't work simultaneously. And I can pretty much guarantee life has more to offer than the ED does. Wishing you the best.

  3. I wish you the best with the GI doctor. The "cleanse" tempts me and so do diuretics. It is such an URGE...and it sucks...and it is not worth it. Glad you decided NOT to do it bc yes, it most likely would have just made things worse...and pulled you back. and you do not want that. You want to go FORWARD!
    take care

  4. Hey hunni...

    I guess I'm rather concerned at this, but I didn't come to write about that and i DO hope that it helps pick you up a bit and make you not feel so toxic... but I just really wanted to find out how you're going with it??

    Thinking of you and praying for you xoxo