Tuesday, February 9, 2010

MY HAPPY LIST (for the week)

1- I am praying daily; and not just for other people, but I am starting to believe that I deserve to be included in these prayers also.

2- I have been able to gain a few pounds over this past month. (yes jenn, this is a positive thing!! And you need to keep it up and keep gaining those pounds! Because weight loss and even weight maintainance are not options for you right now! And deep down you know this - so don't let your ed sneak in and continue to convince you otherwise! please!!)

3- I am excited to hang out with two of my pals tomorrow after group and partake in the yummy goodness that is Jamba Juice!

4- Slowly but surely, my spirituality is finding its way back into my life.

5- I am being more pro-active and brave in my search for a new job.

6- I am really working hard on the inner issues that I like to avoid in therapy/treatment. (I would tell you how much it sucks and how scary it is to face these things - but this is a positive list!!!)

7- I have started to exercise again, much to the worry of the "professionals" BUT I have managed to keep it at a very low-pace (meaning it hasn't gotten out of control or obsessive and I am being careful).

8- I am trying to be more honest with my parents, treatment team, ect. I know they can't help me if I lie about behaviors I am or am not engaging in. So, even though I know there will be consequences, I am trying to keep that honest communication open with them. Trying is the key word here.

9- I am helping my Grandma out with some geneology stuff. (this has been an on-going project). I like helping her out because I love her and I know that she appreciates it.

10- I am going to start volunteering again!, hopefully starting this week or next week. I was volunteering a couple days a week at a certain hospital but then ended up in the ICU of that hospital because my body started shutting down, and I nearly died (thanks ED) and ended up being there for 8 days. Then when I was discharged, it took a couple months for me to get more stable health wise. I was supposed to call and start up again in December but after everything that happened, I felt embarrassed that I would run into all of the people who knew about my "situation" (why did I have to be admitted to that hospital!?)...so... I kept putting it off and putting it off - until last week when I made the call. Better late than never right? She was out of the office last week so I left a message and I am waiting for her to call me back. I am excited to start volunteering again but it's going to be hard to try to avoid all the doctors and nurses who know about me and my "troubles".


  1. YAY #2!!! And Jamba is truly yummy goodness. I love it! I love your list and I think it has inspired me to do the same. You're doing amazing things girl. HUGS!!!

  2. Hey gorgeous, I'm really glad that you're finding things to be feel positive about. I know it doesn't take away all the hard stuff and the constancy of the awful inner voice, but I love that you're trying to listen to that very quiet part of you that wants to live and believes she really does deserve a better life than this.

    YAY for volunteering :) I know that for me being back in the office, even though exhausting, has been really useful for my mood overall... I do hope that volunteering is the same for you. And hunni... even though you might run into people that know your "situation" that might just be to your benefit, because they might be aware of the fact that you have PERSONAL experience and understanding being there :) That is always a good thing to have!

    Take care of yourself my lovely. I love you very very much.

    *gentle hugs*

  3. Jenn! I am so proud of you! You are doing such great things! Remember that and keep it up! I believe in you and you deserve to believe in you too! I love you girly!

  4. This is so positive and inspiring! I know for me once i started to recover, my spirituality, which had been pretty much dead, did start to revive. It was so wonderful.

  5. It's so great to hear such awesome motivation! I too am a HUGE fan of jamba juice. Congrats too for the honesty with your fam and treatment team. That can be difficult, but its motivating to see your desire for recovery!