Friday, April 2, 2010

"Prove it and find the facts!"

Thanks so much to everyone who commented (on this blog, on fb, and in person) to my post about giving up caffeine. Because I am realizing that I need to (...deep breath...) accept that it is hurting me and accept that it is something that I can't have in my life...even though I heart it so much! I am experiencing some really wicked caffeine withdrawl headaches (but I understand and accept that it is part of the process).

One thing that my ed loves to do (and does so well) is convince me that:
"I am okay"
"Things aren't really that bad"
"People are just exaggerating and making a bigger deal of it than it really is"
(or one of the other many ways the ed likes to keep us in denial)...

It is one of the things our ed is so good at! Eating disorders are masters at denial, rationalizing, and minimizing. Something that my therapist is always trying to get me to do is "Prove it, and find the facts to support that statement, thought, or belief". I hate when he says those words to me (especially) when I am struggling with certain thoughts and feelings but... he does have a perfect point with it. He tries to get me to prove why I am feeling that way to find out if it is a fact or if it is my ed thinking. And usually, I am unable to come up with facts to prove my statement, feeling, or thought and so he is like: "See, you can't prove it so it can't be true!"

But the thing that frustrates me so much about it is that I feel it - so it has to be true! And if I feel it so deeply and can it not be true!?!?

It's something I am trying to work on but still struggle with a lot because my feelings are so much stronger and intense than these so-called facts. And a lot of my ed beliefs have been "truths" to me for so long that it's hard to change the way of thinking.

I hope this is making sense to y'all who are reading this because it really is a great concept and can be very helpful when you are having those irrational thoughts. But I am tired, I have a pounding headache, and my cognitive skills are not very high today (or lately...or ever!)... and I am sure you can guess why but we will just leave it at that. : (

1 comment:

  1. Of course it will take time to fight off the ED beliefs and feelings that have become habitual ways of thinking, but the more you do it the easier it will eventually become. Don't give up on the struggle, and don't give up on yourself :-)

    Sarah x