Tuesday, July 6, 2010

a healthy relationship with food

Thanks for all the comments and advice! I was feeling pretty discouraged about the whole thing but y'all helped me to recognize and celebrate the positive but also helped me to realize that I need to take more caution and be better prepared for future challenges. I think it is more difficult for me because this is the first time I am trying to fight this without a treatment team (which I do realize is not the smartest idea, but I still need to try it). I don't have the guidance of my treatment team - at the moment, and that makes things a lot more nerve-wracking for me as I am trying to do it more on my own. But, I have been in treatment long enough to know that this is one of the biggest obstacles that is preventing me from achieving recovery. I don't want to live in fear of food forever. That's not a fun way to live. At all.

One of my goals in recovery is to be able to have a normal relationship with food...wait, back up - I hesitate to say normal because what is normal? The goal I should strive towards is to have a healthy relationship with food. But what is that? What does that mean? Well, to me, it means:

Being able to separate my emotions from food. (this is a huge one for me!)

Letting go of the control over food and my weight!!

Not being so obsessive about what food I can and can't eat

Being able to go to social events without the anxiety about "What am I going to eat?" "What if there is nothing there that I feel comfortable eating?" "What if people make me eat more than I want to?"

Having freedom in my relationship with food.

Listening to my body and what it needs!

Being mindful and intuitive when it comes to eating.

Discovering new foods with excitement (not hesitation or fear).

And understanding that food is meant to
nourish, provide energy, & be enjoyed

Another one of my goals in recovery is to be able to eat these foods without doing any of the following:
1-feeling extreme guilt/regret/fear
2- worrying and freaking out if I think I ate too much
3- feeling the need to purge, overexercise, restrict, take certain pills, or try to compensate the calories I ate in any shape or form

So, even though my challenge backfired... I am still going to push myself to do food challenges because I need to get past my food fears! I can't get better until I am able to let food just be food!! But like a lot of you have said - maybe I need to go a little slower, take smaller steps, and not overwhelm myself so much that I feel the need & fear to engage in behaviors to cope with the challenge. So. My goal for this week is to eat one hostess donette (those small mini ones) at least three times this week. I think that is going to still be tough, but also do-able without it backfiring like it did on Saturday.


  1. Definitely do-able! Recently I'm finding that the key thing in healing relationships with food is to embrace all foods and not maintain restrictions. Now that no food is off limits to me, I don't feel afraid any more, but instead I feel liberated and happy :-) Hopefully in time you will reach this point too!

    Sarah x

  2. I'm so proud of you, for not letting you're previous challenge set you back, that you're still fighting this. Little steps at a time, and talk about it, blog if that helps and take into consideration what others suggest, I think that's gonna be some support without going into treatment or seeing your treatment team. If you get stuck or feel discouraged remember that happens to everyone, take it in and learn what you need to learn and move on to the next step don't dwell in feeling discouraged/stuck. You're doing so well. I'm so happy you're fighting this.

  3. I like your clear goals. I think you 're onto something when you mention going slow and taking small steps. You can do this... one challenge at a time!