One of my goals in recovery is to be able to have a normal relationship with food...wait, back up - I hesitate to say normal because what is normal? The goal I should strive towards is to have a healthy relationship with food. But what is that? What does that mean? Well, to me, it means:
Being able to separate my emotions from food. (this is a huge one for me!)
Letting go of the control over food and my weight!!
Not being so obsessive about what food I can and can't eat
Being able to go to social events without the anxiety about "What am I going to eat?" "What if there is nothing there that I feel comfortable eating?" "What if people make me eat more than I want to?"
Having freedom in my relationship with food.
Listening to my body and what it needs!
Being mindful and intuitive when it comes to eating.
Discovering new foods with excitement (not hesitation or fear).
And understanding that food is meant to
nourish, provide energy, & be enjoyed
Another one of my goals in recovery is to be able to eat these foods without doing any of the following:
1-feeling extreme guilt/regret/fear
2- worrying and freaking out if I think I ate too much
3- feeling the need to purge, overexercise, restrict, take certain pills, or try to compensate the calories I ate in any shape or form
So, even though my challenge backfired... I am still going to push myself to do food challenges because I need to get past my food fears! I can't get better until I am able to let food just be food!! But like a lot of you have said - maybe I need to go a little slower, take smaller steps, and not overwhelm myself so much that I feel the need & fear to engage in behaviors to cope with the challenge. So. My goal for this week is to eat one hostess donette (those small mini ones) at least three times this week. I think that is going to still be tough, but also do-able without it backfiring like it did on Saturday.