I am trying so very very hard to stay positive and rational about it all. I am constantly trying to remind myself of all the positive things about being at a healthy weight & eating properly like...
- I have the energy to be able to function throughout the day.
- My mental clarity is so much better.
- I don't feel like I am going to pass out constantly.
- My electrolytes are more in balance.
- I am actually present in conversations and in daily life instead of a walking "zombie."
- I am not so dang freezing cold all of the time.
- My hair & skin is looking a lot better.
- My body is healing and becoming stronger every day.
Also, I am going back to my old support group tonight. I haven't been there since earlier this year. And I really shouldn't have stopped going considering the horrible relapse I had over the summer but... I was running away. It was around that time that my previous therapist had "abandoned" me (if you have followed this blog for a while, you know what I am talking about regarding that whole situation...) and I had a lot of hurt feelings and so, I completely quite treatment. Therapist, dietician, doctors, groups - I stopped everything. Because I was hurt. I was angry. I was so tired of having non-stop intensive treatment for so long and it didn't seem like it was going to end anytime soon... and when my therapist "peaced-out" on me - that was kind of the final straw.
But I am not going to go into all of this again because it's in the past and I am trying to let go of that whole situation and move forwards! So, I am not going to talk about that right now. And besides, I have a new therapist that I have been seeing since the beginning of the fall and I think she will be really good for me - as long as I am able and "willing" to open up and do the work I need to do in my recovery treatment plan.
So I am excited to see old friends (and meet new ones) tonight at group! I am excited to get more of the support that I need from groups again. And hopefully, be able to support the other girls there too. Recovery is about letting people in, and letting people help you - not pushing them away and trying to do it on your own. I have learned that the hard way too many times. You show strength when you ask for help, not weakness!