Wednesday, January 12, 2011

trying to get back on track

I am still struggling more than usual lately, and I seem to be having a tough time getting back on track to where I was in recovery before the holidays - but I am trying to find the strength, energy, & motivation to NOT run back to the ed behaviors to cope (or to feel in control) as often, or as much as I have been lately.

Things are just overwhelming and stressful and I feel like I have slipped back a bit into the ed world as a way of coping, and I need to somehow snap out of it. Because I have been doing so well during the past few months and I don't want all of that hard work to go down the drain. It seriously took blood, sweat, tears, and SO much more(!) to get me to that point in my recovery and I DON'T want to move backwards! Especially because these past few months have been the best I have done and have been the most successful in regards to my recovery...ever(!) since I started this journey. And I am worried that it is starting to slip out of my hands and I feel like I am kind of losing the momentum that I had. But sometimes, I feel so overwhelmed and tired and I feel like I just need a time-out or a breather until things start to settle down again a little bit.

And since things have been really busy and exhausting in my life in regards to work, recovery, just life in general right now, I haven't had the time (or the energy) to blog or explain things in more detail about what's been going on like I usually do but...

I'm still here and... I'm doing okay.


  1. There is something I'm working on over coming... I was doing so well with over coming it I stopped thinking about it when I saw something that normally would have sent me in a down depressing mood it didn't phase me... then about a week ago I was told I attended SLCC in 2006 (something happened in 2006 that i don't wanna get into detail about) and all the stuff I've worked so hard to over come came flooding back... I took a down hill slide back to the bottom. I understand how frustrating it can be when you've made so much progress and then you go back to how things were before... It sucks. But remember you're strong just breath. and I'm here with you working on over coming a hurdle. You can do it. Just don't lose faith.

  2. Take a DEEP breath.

    Recovery is such a slow process. I've been eating and living in a disordered way for so long that at times I think I'll never reach recovery. It seems like every time I start to do well, somehow I end up back where I started.

    The truth is, that just another one of ED's lies. It wants us to give up on ourselves and our recovery. It's okay to have bad days, and bad weeks. As long as we keep moving forward. I know that every time I fall and get back up, I learn from it. That's what matters.

    Hang in there! You're in my thoughts. I know you can do this!


  3. I feel the exact same way!! It sucks that we don't seem as strong as we used to be, but the thing is recovery is not a linear path. It's a roller coaster :/ It sucks. The thing is, I have faith that you're on an overall upward slope! You're on the path to recovery. As long as you remain cognizant of your ED behaviors, you can beat it! It's much easier to beat ED once you know it's there. I know it's still reallyyyy hard, but you've just gotta find strength within yourself. Have confidence. You're beautiful. You can do it.
    <3 Haley

  4. Hey beautiful,

    I don't have heaps of energy right now.... but I'm just gonna say, Look straight up to Him who has strength abundantly to give to you and will make sure that you have just enough at least. He can help hun, far more than I can.

    I'm here though, so email or whatever if you like, I love you and miss you