Monday, July 18, 2011

a bagel with cream cheese, and a smile

There was a long period in my life when I would have rather died(!) than allowed myself (or even considered to allow myself) to eat a bagel with cream cheese! But that is exactly what I am doing right now (and there is no anxiety, no "should I, shouldn't I" thoughts, no guilt!) I'm just sitting here writing and eating a yummy bagel with a "normal" amount of cream cheese on it, and smiling because it tastes so good. And, I never could have believed that it would actually become one of my favorite foods... but it is!

It's moments like this when I am able to recognize how far I have come in my recovery, and how nice it is to actually be able to eat without feeling the guilt that the ed has consumed me with for so long. And even though, I do still have some foods that I struggle with, and even though I am still susceptible to restriction tendencies when I am having my "low moments" - I enjoy food a lot more now... And for that, I am grateful ; )

3 comments:

  1. Nice Job and Congrats! What is it about bagels that make an eating disorder person run in the opposite direction? I was like that, I was terrified of bagels and cream cheese. I love them now, especially Rich's asiago cheese (have you ever had them, they are in Holladay?).

    I love food now, which is something I would never have admitted a couple years ago. I am glad you are enjoying food more. You have come so far since I have started reading your blog! Again, congratulations.

    Keep on truckin'

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  2. Good for you Jenn! You are so amazing.

    Even if you have now made me long for bagels and cream cheese....What a very very good idea.

    :-) xx P

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