Intuitive eating is still a concept that I am working every day on becoming more comfortable with. I still have my bad days, the days I struggle with it... but I am getting closer every day. When it was first introduced to me from my treatment team... It straight up terrified me! I thought that there was no way I would EVER be able to trust my body and eat intuitively. Because that meant I would have to let go of the control I was desperately trying to hold on to. It sounded impossible! My eating disorder was all I knew...and now people were expecting me to just let go of that and trust them, trust my body, and trust this foreign (fear & anxiety inducing!) concept called intuitive eating? "No way... I can't!!" And for a long time, that was something I never thought I could do. I thought I would be forever trapped, and forever controlled by the eating disorder.
Disordered Eating is:
• Dictated by rules
• Ignores physical cues for eating
• Very judgmental and associated with feelings of guilt and shame
• Cues to eat or not eat are based on external factors or from the head, not the body
Intuitive Eating is:
• Dictated by whether or not you are hungry or full
• Allows you to enjoy a wide-variety of foods, without guilt or shame
• Cues to eat are largely based on your physical need and cravings for certain types of food
It took a long time, lots of ups and downs, steps forwards and steps backwards, but I am becoming more of an intuitive eater every day. It's still a process, I still have a ways to go - but I am getting there. And that's the important thing. And one of the biggest changes I have noticed is that I am no longer fearful of it. I welcome it with open arms. Naturally, there still are those times when I struggle, and the ed convinces me to revert back to my old eating habits... but I try to not let that discourage me. I remind myself to "do the next right thing" and try to get back on track the best I can. I am more aware, I know better now, and I am strong enough in my recovery to know that the best way for me to feel happy, healthy, & free is to continue striving for the goal of becoming an intuitive eater. I know I will get there! And all of you who are also fighting every single day to break free from the tight - deadly - hold that your ed has on you... I know you will get there too. I truly believe that. With all my heart.