Monday, September 19, 2011

a great day to rock climb

I had such a great day yesterday! We drove out to Big Cottonwood Canyon and had a little picnic (we needed fuel for the climbing, of course) and relaxed for a bit by one of the rivers and then... we were ready to climb! The thing about rock climbing outdoors is - it takes a lot longer to set the climbs up because you have to set the climbs yourself, as opposed to indoor where everything is all hooked up and ready to go. But I trust my boyfriend, and I feel safe with him.. Him and his friend have been rock climbing for a really long time and know what they are doing, so it was fine and I knew things would be set in a safe and careful way. It was a really nice day to climb too! I love being outside in the fresh air, up in the canyons/mountains, away from the noise and chaos of the world. It is quiet, peaceful, and relaxing up there. Very serene and beautiful.

I started off on an easy one to just get used to climbing outside. Then, I watched the guys do their really hard ones for a while. I am always amazed at what the body can do! Then, I tried some harder ones. It was tough and it really pushed me physically and mentally. I almost gave up after a couple tries, and there were many times when I was up on the climb yelling for them to bring me down because I couldn't do it anymore! It was too hard, my muscles were too tired, and at times the fear came rushing in and it was too scary to take that next step or reach - but the guys kept encouraging me and pushing me to keep going. So I kept trying, and I pushed myself past what I thought my physical and mental limitations were. I surprised myself (and them) and actually did a lot better than I thought I would be able to do! I am so proud of myself because the old me would have let the doubt and fear overpower and I would have just given up. But I pushed through. It was so scary, it was hella tough, I was tired and my muscles ached - but I pushed through it and was determined to not give up. And it's such a rush when you succeed and pull yourself up higher and higher... I can't explain the feeling, but it's so cool!

I have come such a long way throughout my recovery, and it's so amazing to see the person I'm becoming now. I am so grateful. Grateful for the things in my life. Grateful that I am still alive(!) to be able to live and experience all the things I do. Grateful to have a body that is healing and able to let me experience things everyday. Grateful for friends and family who never gave up on me and who love and support me every single day. Grateful that the eating disorder is no longer the thing that dictates my every thought and action. I am just feeling so grateful and happy right now. I still have things I struggle with, of course. Life is still hard and recovery is still a process. But I have grown and strengthened myself enough so that when those hard times come, and when the ed is trying to pull me down... I am able fight. To recognize the truth through the haze of the eating disorder. And when I can't... I have my friends and family who help me and pull me through. It was a great day, and I can't wait to go climbing again! ; )

Sunday, September 18, 2011

nervous but excited

I am going rock climbing outside for the first time today! I am really excited(!) ...but nervous. I have been learning, practicing, and trying to build up my endurance and strength at an indoor rock gym for the past few months and now, I am going to finally try it outside! I am nervous because it is a lot different outside, and I still don't think my arms are as strong as they need be- but I'm excited at the same time so... here I go!!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

let's try this... again

I know this is going to sound familiar to a lot of you who know me but... I am determined to get it right this time! Seriously. Today is day one of no more diet coke (... and diet pepsi, diet mountain dew, diet dr. pepper... lol).

Throughout my recovery, I have been trying to learn to not have an "all or nothing" thought process (because as we all know, that's a big thing with eating disorders). I have tried, and tried... and tried to only drink diet soda sparingly - only to fail miserably every single time. 

I really should not be drinking it at all due to health issues (caused by my ed...) And the simple fact that it's just not very healthy (for anyone really). But I love it so much! It seems, in regards to diet soda, I need to just stop drinking it. Completely. Because every time I have tried this in the past, I always start off really good and only have it every once in a while. But before I know it. I am drinking a lot of it every day again, and I am back into my addiction to it. (*sigh*) So wish me luck, because this is gonna be really tough. But I am gonna do it! I will be healthier because of it. I need to do this for me. Besides, there are a lot of other yummy things to drink like... water, juice, milk... right???