Monday, October 17, 2011

diet soda update

I am happy to report that I have only had diet coke a couple times (in moments of vulnerable, tempting, weakness) since that fateful...(er, I mean mindful...?) day in September that I vowed to try this yet again. I am proud of myself because it has not been easy. At all. I love my diet soda, and it's been really hard to give it up. Which is why it has taken me many many... many tries. But I am determined. I am too addicted to it. And even in recovery, I have found that I did sometimes, still find myself using it to replace eating. Not purposely, I don't think. Just habit still, I suppose. But that is not good. I am aware of this now. And I will admit it.

Also, I am trying to listen to my body ( and my doctors) and do it for my health. My treatment team has told me over and over again, that it is not healthy for me. My body has gone through so much damage because of the eating disorder, and it is still trying to heal and recover. And the choices I make regarding food and exercise DO affect that healing.

I am starting to get used to not drinking it. (wow, did I really say that!?) And it IS getting easier day by day, the longer I go without it. But I do still find myself wanting to reach for it when I see it at the store, or I am at a restaurant. I know I still need to be careful, because as the past has shown me - once I start drinking it again, I fall quickly back into the cycle. I know this was the right decision for me. So I will keep on truckin' down the path and try not to look back... too much.

2 comments:

  1. Jenn,

    I can't tell you how much I am motivated by this. Right now, I rely on diet soda sooooo much because it keeps me from feeling my hunger. Has eliminating diet soda helped you to recognize your hunger cues better? Congrats on doing what you know in your heart is right!

    -Emily

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yes. I do notice my hunger cues a lot more now. That's the biggest reason why I started drinking it (and continued to drink it) throughout my illness. I became addicted to it because it DID curb my hunger. So, I relyed on that instead of food.

    And I have noticed throughout my recovery that when I am not drinking it as much... I do feel my hunger cues. Which, I know can be a scary thing when you are so used to curbing those hunger cues. But it's a GOOD thing to feel hungry. It's our body letting us know we need to feed and nourish it.

    I am not saying diet soda is bad. It IS when you abuse it and use it to replace eating. I wish I could drink it occasionally, and maybe someday I will be able to. But the reason why I stopped drinking it all together is because once I start drinking it - I am drinking it all the time again. I don't know how to just drink it "sometimes" at the moment. lol. Maybe someday ; )

    ReplyDelete