Tuesday, November 22, 2011

a new kind of thanksgiving

It's hard for me to remember what Thanksgiving (and the holidays) are like without my eating disorder. But this year will different. This year will be the first year in a really long time that I am NOT letting the ed come along with me. And it is exciting. I feel free. I am excited to actually be able to enjoy the day - instead of being wrapped up in the emotional chaos of the ed. And that is an amazing feeling! I have worked so hard in recovery, and there were so many times that I never ever thought it would be possible to let go of the ed and recover. But I AM letting go. I am recovering. I am healing. I am no longer letting the ed dictate my life, and for that... I am grateful.

This year there not be any:
  • food games or food rules
  • dread
  • fear
  • obsessiveness
  • guilt
  • avoidance
  • panic attacks
  • arguments about what/how much I am eating
  • tears
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy behaviors before, during, or after the meal
  • or ANY of the things that the eating disorder has brought into my life on this day year after year... after year
This year Thanksgiving WILL be about:
  • family and friends
  • good conversation and fun activities
  • love
  • thinking about all of the blessings in my life and the things I am thankful for
  • health
  • laughter
  • good food
  • new memories
  • positive choices and continued steps forward in my recovery and life
  • and so much more!
It will be a different Thanksgiving for me. But a much happier one that my family and I will be celebrating this year. I have so many things to be thankful for. And that is what is going to be on my mind on Thursday. Not the eating disorder and everything that comes with it.

---
And my wish and my hope for all of you is that no matter where you are in your recovery - that you are able to have a happy & healthy Thanksgiving. All of you deserve a life without ed, and every day you are taking steps to achieving that. Big steps, small steps, and all the steps in between - are ALL victories in their own way. Try not to judge yourself and your progress because any step forward you take matters, and will bring you closer to recovery. You all are beautiful, courageous, and strong. Remember that and be gentle with yourselves.

7 comments:

  1. I LOVE this post! This will also be my first Thanksgiving in 9 years without using ED behaviors. Feels pretty awesome, doesn't it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I hope your Thanksgiving is filled with bundles of love! I know what you mean...I have some fond memories of holidays before ED came along. I loved enjoying things without guilt and self-hatred. I will try to do as you are doing and leave all of that crap behind me on Thanksgiving!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this post and it is amazing to hear. I am trying to work on positive thinking and progress as Christmas gets closer and it fills me with hope that one day I will REALLY enjoy festivities. Have fun, enjoy time with your family and friends - you deserve it for getting to this point in your life. ED was NEVER invited in the first place! :) xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I really love this post! <3
    Thank you for your comment!

    ReplyDelete
  5. The message that there that ALL steps are important in their own way is a super important one! I am so glad you wrote this post :)

    And I KNOW that this thanksgiving was a great one for you, without ED. And no matter how well or not well you perceived it to be, it was a step forward, and that's what matters <3

    So proud of you!

    Scott

    ReplyDelete
  6. I hope your thanksgiving went well!

    ReplyDelete