I just want to thank everyone for all the comments regarding my previous post. They all really helped me to be able to see the situation from a different point of view than my own. Especially since I haven't had a treatment team since March of this year - it's nice to have people in my life who "know" and truly understand what I am going through. I feel blessed to have all of you in my life =) It's hard sometimes to trust myself and my thoughts in recovery still sometimes, and things can get confusing at times.
I think I have been feeling a bit vulnerable (and stressed) lately, and maybe that is the reason for feeling the urge to exercise more. And even though I think I could handle it... why put myself in a situation that I could be (and am) vulnerable to? I don't need to increase my exercise. What I am doing right now is fine. And I am realizing this. I think for now, I just need to continue making smart choices and hold off on more exercise because it is something I know I am still susceptible to. And that is okay. I'm just not ready. I need to protect my recovery and be patient. It's hard for me to be patient. I want to be completely recovered. Now. But recovery is a process, and even though I am in the best place in recovery and in my life than I have ever been... I still need to be careful.