Monday, January 23, 2012

i'm still here

This month has been going by so quickly! I didn't realize how long it's been since I've been on my blog, written anything, or commented on friends blogs : ( I've kind of been having a rough time lately. I'm not going to go into all the details - so I will just say that I have been feeling very overwhelmed lately. And to top it off, the ed is throwing a lot of thoughts and feelings my direction as I am trying to just stay on balanced ground. And it makes it so much more difficult to not just say "screw it, I need the ed right now to comfort me, numb me, and have some sort of control in my life right now." Because it would be so easy for me to do just that! But I am choosing the healthier road, which is the harder road sometimes... but it is the right road! I know this because I've been down it before. It is the road to health, happiness, and freedom. I am trying to focus on the good things in my life, and trying to not let the "other" things push me down. But it's hard sometimes when the "other" things don't go away. When they stay and linger. It gets tiring. But I am holding on so tightly to the things that matter and the things & people that I love, and letting that carry me through.

Last Friday, my boyfriend, one of my best friends, and I went to the Superchick and Bread of Stone concert. It was such an amazing evening. Both of those bands are simply amazing & truly inspiring. If you don't know them, you should look them up! It was a night that I needed. Their music and their words lifted me up and gave me the strength I needed to keep fighting for my recovery, my life, and myself! Life is beautiful - even during the hard times - and I will never give up on recovery and I hope none of you ever will either! We are worth so much more than a life with this illness! Keep fighting for recovery. Keep believing in your strength and your beauty <3

6 comments:

  1. So good to hear that you fighting everyday, my fellow warrior! I agree; going with ED is much more comforting and less chaotic. Still, we both know that the chaos, fuzziness of emotions, and exhaustion is leading us to a glorious future in recovery!

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  2. I am so glad you're back in blog action! I'm sorry things are so tough for you right now. It sounds like you know what you have to do, and it also sounds like you're actively pursuing that. Kudos to you .. that's really tough. Keep pushing hard and doing what you have to do to shut those voices up. Keep making that conscious choice! :)

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  3. I did notice that you hadn't written anything for awhile and I was so pleased to find you were back today Jenn :) Recovery can be the harder road and I guess this is what gives ED more power when we get overwhelmed and tired. It can seem eaiser (or a relief even) to just let go of fighting it all the time and allow the ED to take the steering wheel. This is really ok and not a weakness on your or anyone's part, it's just recovery is tough (really tough). You are amazing and are still well on the road to health, happiness and freedom. Keep on truckin' sweetie xoxoxo

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  4. Love you gal. Tell ED to go to hell!

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  5. Sending oodles of love and courage in your direction x

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  6. Keep hanging in there. I'm glad you're fighting although I'm sorry to hear that things have been rough lately. I'm jealous that you got to hear Superchick! That's so cool!!!

    Love and miss you madame.

    xox

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