Wednesday, April 11, 2012

body image blues (part 2)

Lately, i have really been struggling with my body image and struggling to feel (and be) comfortable at the weight that I'm at. I really hate that I am struggling this much, and it's really leaving me feeling very frusterated. I have been working so hard to make peace with my body, to love and embrace my new curves, and to focus on the things my body let's me do now that I am healthy... And it was going really well for quite a while. A full year almost. And I was feeling relieved that I was able to cope with the weight restoration as well as I seemed to be doing. I still had those days when I struggled (we all do) but more often then not, I was happy and at peace with with my body.

But as the winter months rolled in a few months ago, so did some extra pounds. I didn't think these extra pounds would affect me the way that they are... but it's the only thing I can think of that is causing these feelings I am feeling about my body. I don't understand, and I have been fighting the ed thoughts and just trying to tell myself that I am healthy and happy and that I am fine. But sometimes, I don't feel fine about the way I look and I wish I could "just loose a few pounds... and get back to a more comfortable weight." But we all know what that almost always (or in my case... always) leads to. So...

I am trying my hardest to push those thoughts out of my head and to keep doing things to help increase my positive body image. It's just been really really tough lately. Blah. I feel frusterated. I know this is just a bump in the road. Another hurdle on my recovery journey. I just want to be rid of the ed thoughts, I want my freedom. I don't want to be at war with my body anymore. I want the thoughts of restriction and increased exercise to not invade my mind as frequently as they are. I feel discouraged. A little worried (if I'm being honest). And I hope that by vocalizing this, it will help the thoughts not hold as much power as they seem to be holding right now.

8 comments:

  1. Sending you ♥ Jenn.
    It will all be ok.
    I have so much belief in you.
    Push on...things will get better and easier.
    xo

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  2. I hate to hear that you're going through such a rough patch. I know how frustrating it is to KNOW that you're going to be okay, but not really feel it or believe it. Your insights are admirable, and I know you will get through this bump in the road. In the meantime, I know it's hard and sucks :( Keep fighting it, and remember that "it's worth it" :)

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  3. Praying for you as you keep working to be at peace with your body. Love to you sweet lady!

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  4. i know exactly what you mean... before it felt like i accepted my body. the weight i was... but suddenly something happened and now its hard to like the way i look.
    but its just to be strong. were both stronger then anorexia. we can fight against the thoughts.
    you are beautiful the way you are. you are a lovely person. and look much better then when you were sickest.
    fight against the thoughts :) you are beautiful!!!:)

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  5. I am struggling a lot with body image too. It has been so, so tough. I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I just wnt you to know that you aren't alone in this. And if you need someone to talk to...I'm here.

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  6. Came across your blog when looking at 'Fighting for Freedom' and am very glad I did! I am also currently in recovery and it is so nice to see others who are open and willing to share their experiences. You are beautiful! I look forward to reading more.

    xo, Tori

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  7. I know what you mean its hard , but I know you can get through it, (i have my days) I just wanted to say that you are a amazing person, and im glad I came across your blog, lots of love. *hugs*
    Xoxo breanna

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  8. You do have some good insights. Remember it's ok to struggle. My cousin suggested to me to write down things that I'm thankful for each night or things that happened during the day that made me smile. Maybe doing something like this (if you don't already) might help fight off those negative ed thoughts. You'll get through this. I know you can do it.

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