Friday, May 18, 2012

attitude makeover


My attitude makeover goal is to stop being so hard on myself.  Because I am.  I have been ever since I was very young.  I was very critical with myself, impatient with myself, and constantly compared myself to everyone around me.  And these things caused me to harbor feelings of not being good enough or feeling like a failure.  Through my treatment, I have been able to work on this and let go of some of these feelings...  But I still notice it affecting my life and how I feel about myself. 

It's weird because I am very understanding and patient with other people, but when it comes to ME... I can't seem to have that same sentiment.  I know I can't be perfect at everything, that I will make mistakes, that it might take me longer to learn something than I would like it to... but it's hard for me to not get frusterated or critical of myself when those things happen.  I need to learn how to have the patience with myself that I have for other people.  But it's hard.  We are all our own worst critic, right?  And I sure am mine.  But I am trying to work on it.  One of my mantras is "progress, not perfection," and I try to continually remind myself of this.

It's really hard to change the beliefs and feelings about ourselves that we have had for so long.  It's how we are used to thinking - it's engrained in our minds.  It's automatic.  But that doesn't mean we can't change those things.  And that is what I have learned (and am still learning).  As I have been in treatment, and I have talked about things, and I have worked on things... I have found that the way I feel about myself is changing.  And it's changing in a good way.  I am letting go of the things I held onto for so long, and I am healing that little girl.  But I am still really hard on myself.  And I am still impatient with myself.  I don't know if it's because I have unrealistic expectations, or if it's because I think I should learn things faster than I do, or what... but it's annoying.  So I am going to make a goal to be more patient with myself, and to remind myself that my best is good enough.  No one is perfect.  It would be a boring world if we all were.

2 comments:

  1. I hope the way you feel about yourself continues to change in a positive way. The truth is you are enough, you are doing what you can and you are beautiful Jenn. xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am very similar - set very high ideals for myself whilst being very accommodating of others. I need to give myself the same advice I give others!

    ReplyDelete