Monday, May 21, 2012

healers with heart

To one of the care techs at my first inpatient treatment center,

I was so scared.  I had never been in treatment before and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.  All of my coping skills were being taken away and I felt like I just wanted to run for the door and back to the world I knew... my eating disorder.  I was so sad, so lost, and I was sitting by myself on the couch that first day.  I didn't talk.  I didn't know what to say.  I didn't know what to do.  But I remember you coming over and sitting next to me.  You smiled and introduced yourself.  The caring that I saw in your eyes made me feel comforted.  You talked to me for a long time, and I felt like you cared about what I had to say.  You were the first person who made me feel safe in such a scary place.  And 6 years later, I haven't forgotten that day.  I never will.  Because you cared.  Because you listened to me.  And you did every day until my discharge date.  And I want to thank you for that.  You were a healer with a heart, and you probably won't ever know the impact you made on me - but it was a big one.  You were there for me during the meals, you were there for me afterwards when I needed someone to calm me down.  You were there for me after hard sessions with my therapist, dietitian, or doctor.  You were there when I got in trouble.  You were there to help calm my anxiety.  You were always there when I needed you.  And that meant a lot to me.  You were there at the beginning.  You helped me to be brave.  And I will never forget that.

a girl who was once lost but has now found her way


  1. We call those workers 'n.a.'s or nursing assistants on this side of the atlantic, I think. One NA was the first person to spring to mind when I came to think about this challenge too. Your post says it all perfectly.

  2. My initial brushes with my focal counselor in rehab didn't go well... I'd picked up on the programme, was fast-tracking myself obviously and so said to him within my first week... Step 6/7 won't be a problem I don't have many defects of character. He took a gulp of tea from his mug said "Why not start with arrogance" and left the room. Ouch! Add to that he was a Man City fan - I had a resentment there over a stupid football game!

    Anyway I grew to love him - I've seen him three times since I left. The last time bizarrely was near the top of a mountain where we hugged like old lovers and laughed at our foolishness and parted with immense hope and gratitude.

    Special people indeed