Monday, May 21, 2012

healers with heart


To one of the care techs at my first inpatient treatment center,

I was so scared.  I had never been in treatment before and I wasn't sure I wanted to be there.  All of my coping skills were being taken away and I felt like I just wanted to run for the door and back to the world I knew... my eating disorder.  I was so sad, so lost, and I was sitting by myself on the couch that first day.  I didn't talk.  I didn't know what to say.  I didn't know what to do.  But I remember you coming over and sitting next to me.  You smiled and introduced yourself.  The caring that I saw in your eyes made me feel comforted.  You talked to me for a long time, and I felt like you cared about what I had to say.  You were the first person who made me feel safe in such a scary place.  And 6 years later, I haven't forgotten that day.  I never will.  Because you cared.  Because you listened to me.  And you did every day until my discharge date.  And I want to thank you for that.  You were a healer with a heart, and you probably won't ever know the impact you made on me - but it was a big one.  You were there for me during the meals, you were there for me afterwards when I needed someone to calm me down.  You were there for me after hard sessions with my therapist, dietitian, or doctor.  You were there when I got in trouble.  You were there to help calm my anxiety.  You were always there when I needed you.  And that meant a lot to me.  You were there at the beginning.  You helped me to be brave.  And I will never forget that.

Sincerely,
a girl who was once lost but has now found her way

2 comments:

  1. We call those workers 'n.a.'s or nursing assistants on this side of the atlantic, I think. One NA was the first person to spring to mind when I came to think about this challenge too. Your post says it all perfectly.

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  2. My initial brushes with my focal counselor in rehab didn't go well... I'd picked up on the programme, was fast-tracking myself obviously and so said to him within my first week... Step 6/7 won't be a problem I don't have many defects of character. He took a gulp of tea from his mug said "Why not start with arrogance" and left the room. Ouch! Add to that he was a Man City fan - I had a resentment there over a stupid football game!

    Anyway I grew to love him - I've seen him three times since I left. The last time bizarrely was near the top of a mountain where we hugged like old lovers and laughed at our foolishness and parted with immense hope and gratitude.

    Special people indeed

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