Tuesday, May 29, 2012

reality check!


Eating disorders destroy lives.  Eating disorders slowly tear you down inside and out, leaving you lost and broken.  Eating disorders kill.  There is nothing glamorous or cool about them.  The reality is that they will take EVERYTHING away from you... and they won't stop until they've taken your last breath.

Here is a glimpse into what my reality was like:
  • Severe malnutrition.  My body was so starved that it was slowly shutting down.
  • I got sick really easily because my immune system was so weakened.
  • My muscles ached constantly, especially at night and it was almost impossible to fall asleep sometimes because of the pain.  My joints ached all the time and made it hard to move sometimes.
  • I felt cold all of the time and was unable to get warm no matter how many layers I wore.
  • Sometimes I couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs without having trouble breathing or feeling exhausted.
  • The loneliness, hurt, & sadness ached so deeply inside that, at times, I didn't want to live anymore.
  • I would lose handfuls of hair every day, I stopped getting my period, and my skin became very dry.
  • Heart palpitations, electrolyte imbalance's, dehydration almost daily.
  • I couldn't focus, I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't remember things very well.
  • Severe digestive problems.
  • Insomnia.
  • Exercising to the point of collapsing.
  • Frequent trips to the emergency room.
  • Hospital stays and treatment programs.
  • Laxative, diuretic, diet pill, & prescription drug abuse.
  • Dizziness every time I stood up, and passing out also became a very frequent occurrence.
  • The fear of eating became so severe that it crippled me and caused severe anxiety.
  • I became withdrawn and depressed.
  • I was barely functioning in my day to day life.
  • Exercise, weight, calories, ect. consumed most of my thoughts and my time.  I became a prisoner to my eating disorder.
  • It got to the point at one time where my body was so weak, I got a severe kidney infection, my body started to shut down, I developed pneumonia, I went into septic shock and respiratory failure.  My body was so damaged, I nearly lost my life. 

But the WONDERFUL thing is that... you CAN find your way out.  You CAN rise above all of this and you CAN live again.  Because living with an eating disorder is NOT living... it's a slow suicide.  Recovering from my eating disorder was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  It was scary and painful.... but it was also the BEST thing I ever did because in the end I got my life back!  I found the peace, happiness, and freedom that I had lost for so long and feared I would never find again.  But I did find it, and you can too!  

Recovery is worth it.  YOU are worth it! 

2 comments:

  1. The reality of eating disorders is so honestly portrayed in this post. It's very raw but very powerful to look back and see how far you have come Jenn. I am so very glad you are no longer so adversely affected by all these things and have your life back! I’m so proud of YOU! xo

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  2. Amazing post! We are worth it, we can do this Ox

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