Tuesday, June 19, 2012

LAUGHTER & TEARS



Laughing is one of my favorite things to do!  I love to be silly and laugh.  A day when I laugh and smile, is a day that happens SO much more often since I have been in stable recovery and have been able to let go of my eating disorder.  My ed held me down and tried to suffocate me to the point where it became nearly impossible for me to laugh.  To feel happy.  To feel alive.  It's one of the things that the ed takes away from us.  But then when we find that part of us again... and we let that part SHINE... it's such a wonderful feeling!  I will never take laughing for granted.  If  I ever get a tattoo... I want to get one that says "I live to love and laugh often."  It's one of my favorite quotes, and it's something that I feel represents me and my life in recovery.


I am a very sensitive person.  I always have been.  I wish I wasn't... but I am.  I cry pretty easily too.  I wish I didn't... but I do.  I am an emotional person.  And that part of me used to scare me and made me feel out of control.  So, I would try to numb my feelings.  I didn't want to feel because ever since I was young - I felt like I "felt" too much.  As a kid, I was very emotional and sensitive.  During my eating disorder, I went back and forth between being very emotional to numbing and disconnecting from my emotions.  Now in recovery, I am learning to balance it out.  I am still sensitive.  Emotional.  And I do cry pretty easily (especially if I am stressed, sad, overwhelmed, hurt... even when I am happy or excited sometimes)  But I am learning to manage these feelings a lot better.  To understand them and keep them in balance.  I am a work in progress, but I am getting there.  But if you put on a sad, emotional, or heartfelt movie or tv show... or even certain songs... there will be tears coming from my direction.

2 comments:

  1. It is strange to come back to your emotions after being numb from the eating disorder. I sometimes get so overwhelmed by my emotions, but it is something that I'm getting used to. I'm glad that you are able to recognize all of the joy you lost to the eating disorder. Finding that joy is so important! Yay you!

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  2. I love this post! I too have always been very sensitive, very emotional. My mom actually TOLD me that I feel too much. She is very practical and never saw the purpose of all of my emotions. It made for a rough childhood and teen years, that's for sure!

    I love that you feel again and the spectrum of emotions. I love that you laugh and cry and everything in between. I love that you cry at movies, commercials and music. I just love you! <3

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