A lot of times, we think "When I graduate, then I will be happy." or "When I get married or start a family, then I will be happy." or "When I recover, then I will be happy."
Yesterday in Process Group one of the things we talked about was the importance of finding happiness in your life NOW - not waiting for the future to make you happy. Especially in recovery. Because you don't have to just wait with your life on hold until you are recovered to be happy. Yes, recovery is hard, and painful, and feels like complete and total hell at times... But one of the keys is to focus on things that make you happy and things that can take you and your mind away from the eating disorder NOW - in this moment.
Also, a lot of times we live in the past too much. We can't let go of the regrets, and the bad and painful memories. But we also live in good and happy memories from our past. Those memories are important to hold and keep in your heart -- but don't focus on them... Focus on the NOW. If we focus too much on the past - or even the future - then we can't live in the "today."
And so we all had to go around the room and say something that makes us happy currently in our life. This was hard of course, considering most of us girls, at the moment, seem to have a STRONGER negative mind than positive mind. But we were all able to come up with something. The thing that I said was: My friends make me happy. I love to laugh and be silly with my friends (or family or co-workers, or anyone). I just love to laugh because there is no room for my eating disorder at that moment!
So that is something that I want to work on and apply more and more into my recovery and MY LIFE! I want to live in the present - not in the past or the future. It's going to take time... but I know I will get there.
(a blog post I wrote back on February 5, 2009)