Sunday, June 3, 2012

POWER


When I first developed my eating disorder... I was desperate for a sense of control in my life.  And at first, I did feel a sense of power and of control.  It became addicting, intoxicating.  I felt like nothing could hurt me, nothing could touch me, that I would be safe with this protection around me.  

But of course I was wrong... because the eating disorder quickly took that power and used it to hurt me, to make me unsafe, and to slowly break me down bit by bit.  But by this time, I was so entrapped in it that I couldn't break free. 

Then it came to the day when I admitted that I was powerless over my eating disorder and that I needed help... and as soon as I admitted that, I started to slowly regain the power the eating disorder took from me.  But this time, I started using that power inside of me in a healthy way.  And through recovery, I have found that I am stronger and more powerful than my eating disorder.  I fought, I cried, I struggled... but I finally beat it!  And I found a healthy power inside of me that I will never let my eating disorder (or anyone or anything) take away from me.  

And now, I hope to use that power to be a voice for others.  To help others find the freedom that I have.  I want to help others see that they too, have a healthy power inside of them to not only beat their eating disorders - but to also live their dreams, find happiness, & be free from whatever is holding them down.


2 comments:

  1. Now that I think about it, before my ED started I felt like my life was a mess. I wanted to be in control of something so I started to control what I ate.. that did not turn out so well.

    I am so glad you are in a better place now. You have come so far!! :)

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  2. The first thing to recover it is to be able to admit that you have a disorder. In fact most people never want to recognize that. You must be proud of yourself!
    PS: interesting about your Italian's boyfriend's mum! She will surely make you nice meals X

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